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Authentic Tales
Did you feel that receiving an ADHD diagnosis was like getting to the happy ending of a fairy tale, only to discover that the story takes an unexpected twist?
I DID!
It's somewhat akin to revisiting the fairytales of your childhood as an adult – you can't help but wonder who thought these were suitable bedtime stories. Wolves eating grandmas, witches devouring children, babies under curses, and the list goes on. (Insert collective shock at the questionable storylines!)
In the real world, the post-diagnosis journey with ADHD is entirely like that! You skip along in what appears to be a lovely fairy tale and then the wolves in sheep’s clothing stealthily appear.
It can feel akin to finding yourself in a room full of mirrors, each reflecting a different version of yourself. Some of those mirrors seem like shattered glass – sharp, confusing, and somewhat uncomfortable.
This journey is an eye opener for sure and kindly introduces you to the wonderful concept of unlearning; a challenge comparable to someone rewriting the script of your favourite play, the one you've known by heart for years! Your brain, like an actor returning to an old role, can be resistant to the rewrite. You've grown accustomed to the familiar lines and the well-rehearsed scenes. But in this new performance, you're determined to play the lead role as your true self.
So you set about the process of unlearning…
Unlearning those old lines… and removing those masks...
We all wear them, don't we?
However, as an ADHDer those masks are more than just a front we have on the odd occasion, they are our armour. When you've spent years crafting and embedding these masks into our very core, peeling them away is like trying to remove those thick set heavy layers of plate armour made from bronze, iron or steel, with just one hand! It becomes an intense tug-of-war between the 'you' you've always known and the 'you' that's been hiding beneath.
If all of the above wasn’t enough… Now it’s time for the real sucker punch: the brain's penchant for its "default setting.”
Your brain tends to default to what's familiar, even if it's not always the wisest choice! #CheersPal
You dive in headfirst, dedicating weeks, months, and maybe even years to the process of unlearning, hyper focused on carving fresh pathways through the challenging landscape of your mind, and patiently, painstakingly, peeling off those masks bit by bit by bit.
Simultaneously, you systematically absorb and master every tool and technique available for managing your ADHD. It's an exhausting yet exhilarating journey, and over time, you might begin to feel like a true expert. #CrackedIt
But what happens….
One random unassuming day… without warning…
Your brain decides to revert to 'default setting'!
You feel like you’re going backwards!!
Like you’ve been slapped in the chops with a jellyfish, just for the added sting!
WTF 👀
That's when the frustration really kicks in.
It's like having the keys to the world's richest bank, and then forgetting where you put them! #ADHDStruggles
And, just to compound that overflowing bucket of frustration, in come those sneaky fears and doubts.
Since your diagnosis, you might have this nagging feeling that your ADHD symptoms are getting worse.
You're probably thinking:
"Wait, wasn't the whole point of the diagnosis to improve things?"
In reality, they haven't worsened; you’re just more aware of them. You are actively trying to notice them, so you can attempt to work with them and manage them. It is similar to when someone says don’t look at that red car… the first thing you will do is look at it… then look at it again… again… again… AND again!
You're in the midst of a battle, my friend. It's the battle of understanding where your true self begins and where ADHD ends.
ADHD isn't a catch-all excuse for your behaviours and mistakes. It might explain some of them, but it's no magical shield to hide behind. You know this, but deciphering between what is and what isn’t, well it can sometimes feel like trying to crack the enigma code!
So, here you are... navigating this minefield of unlearning, tentatively manoeuvring along the path through self-discovery...
First thing to note: IT’S ALRIGHT!
Unlearning is WAAYY harder than learning!
Why?, you might ask... if you didn't... Well... I'm going to tell you anyway...
Our brains have a remarkable ability to grasp new information, learn new skills, and build neural pathways for these fresh experiences. It's like creating a beautiful painting on a brand new fresh canvas.
However, when it comes to unlearning, it's akin to trying to erase or overwrite those well-trodden pathways, the neural superhighways of established habits and thought patterns.
It's unfortunately not as simple as hitting the "delete" button; instead, it's a complex process of rewiring, rerouting, and sometimes encountering the brain's resistance to change.
So, yes, unlearning can indeed be more intricate and demanding than learning.
The good news though! (Now we've waded through the deep dark forest!), our brains are incredibly adaptable.
Research tells us that our brains possess the incredible ability of neuroplasticity, meaning they can adapt, form new connections and rewire. Allowing us to embark on this challenging journey of unlearning, and emerge as better, more authentic versions of ourselves!
There will be days when you get lost, take a wrong turn, and confront frustration, maybe even come face to face with that big bad wolf.
That’s life, particularly ADHD life and you know it's to be expected to be honest. #ProgressNotPerfection
It’s hard but anything worth doing generally tends to be doesn’t it?
In the midst of the chaos and introspection, remember this:
Yes, you may have an ADHD diagnosis
Yes, it is an integral part of who you are, influencing your behaviours and functioning
BUT… a mahoosive but... the biggest but...
I was doing so well, editing and writing this, but lost it for 15 mins there singing ‘
I like big butts and I cannot lie!'
Plus dancing around the living room lol.
Anywho…
BUT….
ULTIMATELY…
REMEMBER THIS…
YOU are at the helm, steering the course of your life, not ADHD!
ADHD isn't an external force, a villain in your story, or a parasite trying to dominate your life.
It's simply the label for individuals born with a unique brain structure, function, and chemical composition.
You've been aware of it your whole life; you just didn't have a name for it... until now!
With this new found knowledge and with each layer you peel away, you can begin to reveal a more genuine 'you'.
This journey, although filled with complexities, it also offers moments of clarity, creativity, and sheer joy.
That is what makes it all truly worthwhile.
As you continue navigating this twisty path of unlearning, remember that it's a personal journey, not a competition.
Embrace self-compassion, as the road to self-discovery can be a muddy one, occasionally filled with self-doubt.
Also know that you're not walking this path alone; there are fellow travellers who empathise with the intricacies of unlearning and self-discovery, as an adult diagnosed with ADHD.
I’ve created a group on Inclusive Minds UK called ADHDers Assemble, please do join by the link below and let’s connect!
💪🏼😊
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